change

Here are a few thoughts swirling around my head this friday...
Sometimes things change.
Like all of a sudden.
For instance, when I got the news that the lovely Megan{Beneath the Surface} was moving to my town, in 5 days, I was doing the happy dance. I couldn't believe this wild unexpected blessing!

I first met Megan through blogging. In reading through her posts, I instantly fell in love with her and dreamed that one day we would be friends IRL(in real life).
And then I met her at Barbie's baby shower(another awesome girlie in this town). Megan was every bit as sweet, gracious and beautiful as her blog persona. In fact, even better.

And then last month, by some miracle, she moved here!!!
Megan is one of the classiest girls I've ever met.
One day I hope to be more like her. I'm hoping she rubs off on me.
Her words are always soothing, grace-filled and life-giving. And she's fun and funny. And real. And honest. And strong.
She is grace under pressure.
And I cannot even believe the Lord has been so kind and gracious to put her in my life. So thankful.
Looking back over my life, I have come to realize that life and friendships are always full of change.
Sometimes friends suddenly move away, and I'm left with the aftermath of the void.
Been there, done that.
Just ask Lorie. When Ally and Ellie moved, we mourned a long time.
Yet God has always been so faithful to provide new faces for us to love.
And sometimes, friends just slowly drift apart...into a new season of life...without you...leaving you in that same void.
And I just hate it. I do not like that kind of change.
In fact, I kind of stink at it. I really need to learn to transition better, folks.
I like friendship dynamics to stay the same, all the time. I want friends in a group to all stay friends with everyone at all times.
But that's not realistic at all. I think the only constant in life is that change will happen.
People change. They have children. These children move into different phases. These children change schedules and go to different schools. "And the friendship that once was thriving and fulfilling in one season, is not as needed in another season", said my friend Jillian at Bible study. "And sometimes it has nothing to do with you", she continued.
It just...happens. Sniff.
And it's hard to let go and let be. To be flexible and to learn to be the new kind of friend that is needed in the new season. To have grace on someone who is just having a hard time adjusting to new demands.

[But as I wrote long ago, friendship is a gift from God. A blessing that should be cherished...and not held onto with a death grip that suffocates the life out of it.]

This above statement is easier said than done.

And honestly, I haven't been so great at all, in practicing what I preach.

When seasons change and friendships change, guess what I do?
1. I stew a while.
2. And dwell.
3. And overanalyze{What did I do wroooong?}
4. And think things that aren't true. My sister Jessica tells me "Davi! You need to think the best about everyone!"  Truly, you have no idea what thoughts the other person is having and it's wrong to assume, unless they tell you otherwise! Great, great, great advice. Wise grasshoppa sista.
5. And sometimes. I even get angry. Though really I'm just sad(primary emotion), but it comes out as anger(secondary emotion). If you are a friend reading this, I am not referring to you, or anyone in particular. I'm just generalizing how I tend to react in certain situations. I'm not mad at anyone:) I love you all:) Please please don't misinterpret this post ! I'm just writing to share my story of how God works tangibly in my life.


And then I feel guilty about the anger. Terribly guilty. Like I'm a horrible Christian.
Like I'm doing a lousy job of loving my brother.
And my bible study 1John(love your brother or you don't know God) really convicts and tugs and the weight of the world is on my shoulders.

Well. There is good news and bad news.

Bad news always first.

It's true that I am hopeless and wretched. "For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing" Romans 7:19

And there is absolutely NOTHING I can do to ever change myself.
I can't will myself to feel loving when I'm hopping mad.
I can't pull myself up by my boot straps and "just try harder!"
I will always fail.

And that is why God wrote the 10 commandments(or law) on stone in the Old Testament.

To show me my sin.

God gave us the law to show us our sin! But this law cannot save me. There is a problem.

But the problem is not with the law. Oh no, quite the contrary. Without the law, I wouldn't know what coveting or lying is.

Nope. The problem is with me. I raise my hand enthusiastically, and say, "I will obey the law! I will! I will!"

But I can't.

Grim, grim situation. Hopeless in fact.

On my own, I will continue to sin.
to have angry thoughts if I think someone is ignoring me or blowing me off, rather than giving grace.
to have an internal battle with myself.
to feel guilty.

But.

There is good news.

God sent Jesus in the form of man{in the flesh} who was able to perfectly keep the law, whereas my flesh couldn't keep the law.
And Jesus died{a horrid death} in my place on the cross, as a substitution for me.  And Jesus was buried, and Jesus rose again.
And Jesus took care of my sin problem.

And He gave me His Holy Spirit to live inside me so that I would now be changed and want to obey.

Jeremiah 31:33 "I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts"

Instead of writing the 10 commandments on stone, he now writes it on my heart! He gives me a new heart!

So. Today. Instead of feeling the weight of the guilt on me, I feel free. Because I am free. {Addendum. As long as you continuously confess to God your sin that pops up in your life, you will be forgiven and you will be free, and have a clear conscience.}

"He took away my sin and cancelled my debt in full", my precepts leader Claudia told us wednesday.

Lately,  I've kinda been walking around like an inmate on death row.
Why? Because I wasn't choosing to walk as the free man that I am. I was walking around as though I was condemned, even though Jesus already paid the price.

Isn't that a silly of me? Such a waste of time.

Don't do that.

If you have Jesus, then choose THIS DAY to truly believe that He set you free. And even though I have been a believer for many years, sometimes I have a ridiculous guilt complex and don't claim the freedom He offers me.

And if you have a burden or relationship that you cannot fix?

Give it to God.

Some things you just cannot fix. Sorry. That is the truth. Sometimes things change and you can't make them go back to how they were before.

I often think "there is something I can doooooo" to fix things...or to make it all better...or earn God's favor by trying my hardest to do the right thing.

I can't. Ever earn God's favor. It's prideful to think I can.

I can ONLY do it with Jesus in my heart, doing it for me. He removes my heart of stone and gives me a heart of flesh.


And makes obedience desirable. Will I still sin? Yes, unfortunately I will still battle sin til the day I die. Because I am still in this body. But He ultimately wins this battle for me.

And this is good news indeed. Our salvation is truly wonderful to think about during every changing season of life.

So. Those were just a few thoughts(lol) swirling around my head after my Precepts bible study with Kay Arthur. Half of the things written in this post were from her lecture...combined with the thoughts and experiences of my life story. That is how I process things.

Bye now. Happy Friday everyone!

*******
an addendum: my mama just texted me. Don't you love mamas? She wrote the following, which I should have included!

[1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 
God cleanses us of sin when we honestly confess it to Him. We need to have faith that He does that:)]

Thanks mama!