October 5, 2012

change

Here are a few thoughts swirling around my head this friday...
Sometimes things change.
Like all of a sudden.
For instance, when I got the news that the lovely Megan{Beneath the Surface} was moving to my town, in 5 days, I was doing the happy dance. I couldn't believe this wild unexpected blessing!

I first met Megan through blogging. In reading through her posts, I instantly fell in love with her and dreamed that one day we would be friends IRL(in real life).
And then I met her at Barbie's baby shower(another awesome girlie in this town). Megan was every bit as sweet, gracious and beautiful as her blog persona. In fact, even better.

And then last month, by some miracle, she moved here!!!
Megan is one of the classiest girls I've ever met.
One day I hope to be more like her. I'm hoping she rubs off on me.
Her words are always soothing, grace-filled and life-giving. And she's fun and funny. And real. And honest. And strong.
She is grace under pressure.
And I cannot even believe the Lord has been so kind and gracious to put her in my life. So thankful.
Looking back over my life, I have come to realize that life and friendships are always full of change.
Sometimes friends suddenly move away, and I'm left with the aftermath of the void.
Been there, done that.
Just ask Lorie. When Ally and Ellie moved, we mourned a long time.
Yet God has always been so faithful to provide new faces for us to love.
And sometimes, friends just slowly drift apart...into a new season of life...without you...leaving you in that same void.
And I just hate it. I do not like that kind of change.
In fact, I kind of stink at it. I really need to learn to transition better, folks.
I like friendship dynamics to stay the same, all the time. I want friends in a group to all stay friends with everyone at all times.
But that's not realistic at all. I think the only constant in life is that change will happen.
People change. They have children. These children move into different phases. These children change schedules and go to different schools. "And the friendship that once was thriving and fulfilling in one season, is not as needed in another season", said my friend Jillian at Bible study. "And sometimes it has nothing to do with you", she continued.
It just...happens. Sniff.
And it's hard to let go and let be. To be flexible and to learn to be the new kind of friend that is needed in the new season. To have grace on someone who is just having a hard time adjusting to new demands.

[But as I wrote long ago, friendship is a gift from God. A blessing that should be cherished...and not held onto with a death grip that suffocates the life out of it.]

This above statement is easier said than done.

And honestly, I haven't been so great at all, in practicing what I preach.

When seasons change and friendships change, guess what I do?
1. I stew a while.
2. And dwell.
3. And overanalyze{What did I do wroooong?}
4. And think things that aren't true. My sister Jessica tells me "Davi! You need to think the best about everyone!"  Truly, you have no idea what thoughts the other person is having and it's wrong to assume, unless they tell you otherwise! Great, great, great advice. Wise grasshoppa sista.
5. And sometimes. I even get angry. Though really I'm just sad(primary emotion), but it comes out as anger(secondary emotion). If you are a friend reading this, I am not referring to you, or anyone in particular. I'm just generalizing how I tend to react in certain situations. I'm not mad at anyone:) I love you all:) Please please don't misinterpret this post ! I'm just writing to share my story of how God works tangibly in my life.


And then I feel guilty about the anger. Terribly guilty. Like I'm a horrible Christian.
Like I'm doing a lousy job of loving my brother.
And my bible study 1John(love your brother or you don't know God) really convicts and tugs and the weight of the world is on my shoulders.

Well. There is good news and bad news.

Bad news always first.

It's true that I am hopeless and wretched. "For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing" Romans 7:19

And there is absolutely NOTHING I can do to ever change myself.
I can't will myself to feel loving when I'm hopping mad.
I can't pull myself up by my boot straps and "just try harder!"
I will always fail.

And that is why God wrote the 10 commandments(or law) on stone in the Old Testament.

To show me my sin.

God gave us the law to show us our sin! But this law cannot save me. There is a problem.

But the problem is not with the law. Oh no, quite the contrary. Without the law, I wouldn't know what coveting or lying is.

Nope. The problem is with me. I raise my hand enthusiastically, and say, "I will obey the law! I will! I will!"

But I can't.

Grim, grim situation. Hopeless in fact.

On my own, I will continue to sin.
to have angry thoughts if I think someone is ignoring me or blowing me off, rather than giving grace.
to have an internal battle with myself.
to feel guilty.

But.

There is good news.

God sent Jesus in the form of man{in the flesh} who was able to perfectly keep the law, whereas my flesh couldn't keep the law.
And Jesus died{a horrid death} in my place on the cross, as a substitution for me.  And Jesus was buried, and Jesus rose again.
And Jesus took care of my sin problem.

And He gave me His Holy Spirit to live inside me so that I would now be changed and want to obey.

Jeremiah 31:33 "I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts"

Instead of writing the 10 commandments on stone, he now writes it on my heart! He gives me a new heart!

So. Today. Instead of feeling the weight of the guilt on me, I feel free. Because I am free. {Addendum. As long as you continuously confess to God your sin that pops up in your life, you will be forgiven and you will be free, and have a clear conscience.}

"He took away my sin and cancelled my debt in full", my precepts leader Claudia told us wednesday.

Lately,  I've kinda been walking around like an inmate on death row.
Why? Because I wasn't choosing to walk as the free man that I am. I was walking around as though I was condemned, even though Jesus already paid the price.

Isn't that a silly of me? Such a waste of time.

Don't do that.

If you have Jesus, then choose THIS DAY to truly believe that He set you free. And even though I have been a believer for many years, sometimes I have a ridiculous guilt complex and don't claim the freedom He offers me.

And if you have a burden or relationship that you cannot fix?

Give it to God.

Some things you just cannot fix. Sorry. That is the truth. Sometimes things change and you can't make them go back to how they were before.

I often think "there is something I can doooooo" to fix things...or to make it all better...or earn God's favor by trying my hardest to do the right thing.

I can't. Ever earn God's favor. It's prideful to think I can.

I can ONLY do it with Jesus in my heart, doing it for me. He removes my heart of stone and gives me a heart of flesh.


And makes obedience desirable. Will I still sin? Yes, unfortunately I will still battle sin til the day I die. Because I am still in this body. But He ultimately wins this battle for me.

And this is good news indeed. Our salvation is truly wonderful to think about during every changing season of life.

So. Those were just a few thoughts(lol) swirling around my head after my Precepts bible study with Kay Arthur. Half of the things written in this post were from her lecture...combined with the thoughts and experiences of my life story. That is how I process things.

Bye now. Happy Friday everyone!

*******
an addendum: my mama just texted me. Don't you love mamas? She wrote the following, which I should have included!

[1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 
God cleanses us of sin when we honestly confess it to Him. We need to have faith that He does that:)]

Thanks mama!

20 comments:

  1. You are such a wise lady!
    Your posts always inspire me to trust the Lord more and to embrace what He has me in right now.
    Thank you for all the enjoyable reads!

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  2. Good words. My biggest is always seeing people's actions so negatively. Need to see more of the good in people.

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  3. i love all of this and really needed to read it today. your heart is amazing.

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  4. I love that Megan girl. :) I was lucky enough to have her as a bit of a mentor in high school. Though I know she's said in the past that she feels a little weird about that time because she had no idea what she was doing. I thought she was great, but I know what she means because I felt the same way a couple years later in the same position.

    I've been thinking similar thoughts lately about friendships. I have had quite a few end over the years in ways that left me confused and hurt. As an introvert, I tend to be a 1-2 close friends kind if girl, but I do have quite a few "exterior" friends now. I kind of think I tend to perceive a closeness to others sometimes than what is actually reality which might be the cause of the confusion and hurt when I discover things are different. I don't know.

    The last few years and the last year especially has been a hard friendship year for me. I think I'm kind if in a weird place of holding people far off on purpose as a defense mechanism. There's been so much up in the air with our lives that I didn't want to be hurt by a move or a side taken on a tough issue. I think I'm starting to see in the long run that the defense mechanism is just as hurtful to me as actually being hurt by people I love or having our friendship grow apart because of a move or a different season in life.

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    1. There are a lot of ifs that should be ofs in that comment. Fat fingers, tiny virtual keyboard, poor proof reading.

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    2. i totally understood what you were writing and saying. thanks for sharing your heart. i think you are very open on pen and paper(or typing on your blog) and the people around you would be blessed for you to open your hearts to them too...even if you are here for a spell and then gone again. pretend you are an angel making your rounds, lol. i understand though. moving is a bear. so so tough on friendships.

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  5. I love you. I really really do. Thank you for this.

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  6. I drafted a very similar blog post in my mind so many times last year. I remember reading this quote: “Anger is just a cowardly extension of sadness. It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you're hurt.” I was consumed by anger that was an extension of hurt that I'm pretty sure was unintentional in the first place. I was also too cowardly to tell anyone I was hurt. So I prayed and processed and was eventually able to forgive, but still struggle with moving on...because you're right, change is HARD as are changes in friendship dynamics. Your sister's advice has really been a blessing to me since you told me it. So wise and yet so simple and GODLY! Hello?! Obviously, God wants us to see the best in people! And He is there to provide for us, even when it seems like everything we are clinging to is slipping away. No matter how we try to orchestrate our destiny, ultimately His plan will prevail.

    P.S.(I should have done precepts!!! I think I would have really enjoyed it!)

    P.P.S. I agree with everything about Megan. She's pretty awesome. :)

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    1. great to read too...
      why is it so hard to accept change in a relationship?!
      i always assume i know what's best in a friendship...
      when it's God that's clearly orchestrating it all.
      thanks for sharing, barbie!
      wise words!

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    2. yes, Barbie, thanks for pointing that out! about anger and sadness. in addition i listened to a seminar by expert Norm Wright and he said that confronting with anger always pushes a person away, whereas telling a person you are sad, doesn't push them away. it helps bring people back together.

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  7. beautiful! you and this post. sometimes i wish that my group of friends would all pinky swear or sign a contract that we will all live here from now until forever. but of course that is not how life works. would be fun though!!

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  8. So refreshing to see someone else "get this" - the concept of Grace. It's really life changing, isn't it?

    And thanks for being honest about how you feel about friendships. My family & I just packed up and moved from Florida to Michigan (for a job; not for the heck of it). My husband was a native Floridian and my family moved there when I was 5. Basically, we're both Floridians as well as our kids. It was a huge move but we knew for sure it was God's plan for our lives. Your post helps me understand what some of my friends are going through without us there. We still have lots of friends there (and family that we count as friends, too). Sometimes you think, "Oh, they're just saying they miss us tons and tons." But sometimes I really believe them. The days that I'm sad without them are becoming easier as I'm sure is the same with them. And with you, too. See? God is giving you awesome new friends. Not to replace your old ones that mov away; He's just adding to your list of friends. :) Thanks for sharing.

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  9. oh man... how do you always know what to say to my heart!
    davi, girl... God is using YOU to speak to ME!!
    all my insecurities are so similar to yours.
    i'm such a people pleaser and when i'm seeing change happening in relationships...
    i always, ALWAYS go to a bad place.
    i hate to think that someone doesn't think good of me.
    and it's so dumb... b/c 9 x's out of 10, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with me.
    sheesh!
    but i'm not good with change either.
    i like everything to stay the same.
    it's tough for me.
    just want you to know i can totally empathize...
    and gosh darnit... i wish i lived in YOUR town!
    oh, the fun we'd have!!!
    thanks for sharing, babe!
    xo

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  10. I love what you wrote. I tend to do the same.... and over-think stuff ALOT.
    I also feel like my time is precious now that i have kids, run a business and homeschool. I feel like if I am going to spend free time with sometime.. i want it to be a deep friendship.. one that will last.. one thats worth pouring into.

    but you just got me thinking... all sounds pretty selfish actually. Maybe God has us for even a short time in the lives of others for a reason... and we cant put expectations and time frames on people.

    I guess its a way of " protecting" myself from the pains you described above... and you made me realize.. i need to surrender this and trust God to bring people into my life for whatever he purposes.

    thanks for this!

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  11. the blogging world is such a small world. i went to school with both megan and barbie they're both lovely. i haven't seen them in 14 years but i am sure their loveliness has only multiplied.

    amazing post. i think it's unanimous we all do it but truly giving it to God is the only way.

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  12. Oh Davi.
    You are beautifully wise, and God is using you to speak to my heart.

    I want to say so much, but literally can't right now.

    So, I'll just say thank you. Much love to you! xoxo

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  13. I loved reading every single word you wrote. The entire time I was reading I was just shaking my head up and down and even crying a wee bit becuase I HATE it when friendships change. But like you said, there are seasons for everything and God is gracious to renew our hearts and homes with new friendships.. and often times restores old friendships.. even when they drifted apart just because the season of life wasn't right.

    Thank you for writing:)

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  14. Amen and Amen! This is plump full of so much goodness, I can't even comment on it all....so I'll just say that I love your heart and you for sharing it. I see myself in your words.

    You are oh so pretty! You're glowing in these photos.

    I wish you lived next door, girl! I just met ya and I already know that.

    Thanks for all the sweet words you leave on my blog. They make me smile.

    Your mama rocks! Totally.



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  15. i love this. i love you. so happy we are friends.

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  16. somehow I missed this weeks ago when you actually wrote it, and I just now saw it in my reader. And you know what, that was a God thing, because I needed to read this TODAY. It spoke to my heart perfectly.

    this is such an odd (sometimes really hard) season of life for me, for so many reasons, and I needed this reminder.

    Davi, you are wise and wonderful and I thank God for you. Sometime I'd love to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with you over a cup o' coffee. :)

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