things above

I never met Caleb but enjoyed hearing stories about him around our dinner table.

Caleb was one of John's students last year. He had Aspergers. And since Ollie has a disorder, spd, I felt a special little connection to Caleb.

A few days ago during PE, Caleb's heart stopped beating.

His aid who follows him around administered CPR, to no avail.

Caleb died. Right there in PE class.

When we heard the news, we were devastated. He had a pre-existing heart condition, but this news was still sudden and shocking. Grief counselors came to the school the next day to help the students cope with the news.

You see, Caleb was very well loved. He had a best friend. A sister. Christian parents. He was also part of our youth group at church and was often found sitting in the back writing "worship the Lord" on his notepad or DS.

Honestly, I didn't quite know how to process this awful news.

I immediately called my mama.

And then I cried.

And could not stop hugging Ollie.

And in that moment, all of my worries about Ollie's spd and his future education just...dissipated. All my concerns about whether or not he would have trouble learning to read or write...or whether he could handle all-day kindergarten next year...just felt insignificant in light of the devastating loss of a 15 year old boy, who had trouble in school too. 

Caleb may have had trouble focusing in class, but he got the important things right. Like loving life and God and people.

And now all these lives that he touched are just reeling in that great loss.

What I'm trying to say here is that super smarts and education and excelling in school pale in comparison to love. People matter. Big, small, weak, strong, ALL PEOPLE have great value and worth. No one person is more important than another.


And in all honesty, I also asked, "Why God, why Caleb?"

And just then, I heard on our radio in our bedroom, the song playing,

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

In my gut I knew this to be true. Lord, blessed by Your name.  But I was still sad which I think is appropriate, considering the loss of a sweet 15 year old boy. When Jesus heard of the widow's son dying, "his heart went out and he said 'don't cry'. In the words of my Pastor, "It wasn't supposed to be this way!" We live in a fallen world.

A few days ago I was driving Ollie to preschool, on the open road with fields around us. I was pondering a difficult situation and once again asking "Why God, why?" Or maybe it's wasn't so much of a "why" question but more of "How do I process this? What am I supposed to think?"

The radio was on and the following lyrics were playing.

You open up my eyes to the things unseen...
...As I walk from earth into eternity

Back at home I was still singing "open up my eyes to the things unseen"...and then started my 'desert discipline'. And kinda did a double take when I read the following verses:

Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal    (Colossians 3:2, 2 Corinthians 4:18, emphasis by Kay Arthur)

And I feel like this was God's gracious answer to my dubious question "why?"

And now I have even more questions. Like what EXACTLY are the things above, that I am to set my mind on? I have a few ideas. Like dwelling on God's word and serving people. Because people and God's word are the only things{here on earth} that are eternal. But how this thought pattern plays out in my head day-to-day is still to be determined.

And just so ya know? I have great peace knowing that Caleb is flying with Jesus.