trust

I was reading my bible one afternoon. And praying in earnest...begging if you will...for more trust and faith in the Lord.

Right afterward, I read Kaylee(of LifeChasers) blog post on Trust. Coincidence?

I think not. I don't believe in coincidences. I loved what she wrote and it echoed my heart in this season I am in.

At church a few Sundays later the sermon was on worrying. Our Pastor Jeff talked about how often we downplay the sin of worry, in comparison to murder, lust, etc...

We say "Oh, but I'm a worrier!" like it's no big thing. Just a cute little pet sin. Somehow in the church circles it seems more 'acceptable' to admit we are worriers...rather than admit that we are liars or thiefs or adulterers.

But when we rip off the mask of worry, what lies beneath is ugly: It reveals a lack of trust in God. It's like we're saying "You are not big enough God".

And though I've been following the Lord for a while, quite honestly this is where I find myself more often than I'd like to admit.

Worrying.
Over controlling.
Lack of trust in God. 

My friends, I can be a bit pathetic in these above areas at times and you need to know that I'm a work in progress. I have not "arrived", so to speak.

My dear mama spoke at a church breakfast in January and she was awesome. And funny. And so real.

She spoke on trials.

And likened trials to a jack hammer, pounding on the bedrock of our souls...breaking up the pieces of rock to expose what's hidden beneath.

Like pride. Or dependence on self.

When life is carefree, I'm tempted to think I'm a pretty trusting disciple of the Lord.

But when the jackhammer starts pounding my bedrock, it exposes worry and lack of trust. I can see it popping right out.

Mom said that as we mature in the Lord, we actually become MORE dependent on God...trusting like a little child.

Twain is completely dependent on me. I mean, look at his hair in the above pic. He's completely  at my mercy. (Don't worry, his hair has since been cut. Phew. This is an old pic).

Anyhow, I would not do one thing to intentionally hurt Twain. Any discipline I administer, is done out of love for Twain...done for his own good.

And so it is with God. Everything He does is for my good.

He loves me...way more than I could ever love my boys. How can this be? My mind cannot comprehend this.

Whenever I find myself fretting over something, I find it helpful to think of God's love for me. I tell myself "If my kids can trust me, I can trust God". Because God is a WAY better parent than I could ever hope to be.

Even when it hurts and life is completely unmanageable.

Because God is good. He can't be otherwise. It's impossible in His nature to be bad.

The devil on the other hand, is the author of every sort of painful, evil thing to hit this planet: death, disease, sorrow, strife.

I don't want to keep practicing and honing my skills of worrying. I don't want to get so good at worrying that it becomes a way of life. Worry IS a sin...can be a habitual sin if we let it.

So when I find myself worrying about something{again}, I flick my wrist. And tell myself to STOP. And instead I pray the situation over to God.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus". Philippians 4:6-7

The more I acknowledge and confess my worries to the Lord, the lighter my heart feels.

And though I still have a long way to go, my days have felt so much more peaceful letting go of trying to control things all the time. And slowly learning to trust.

Just wanted to let you know what has been on my mind and heart lately.