A week or 2 ago, I decided it was high time to buy a pair of boots.
The last time I bought a pair of boots was around 8 or 9 years ago. So, my taste in boots is a bit unrefined, to say the least.
I just assumed that I could run to the nearest store and pick up a pair of boots like I was picking up a loaf of bread of something.
This is me laughing hysterically, at how clueless I was.
I think in the course of one week, I must have exhausted every single shoe store I can think of. I even hit up TJ Max and Ross.
There must be a mathematical equation that determines the outcome of your boot purchase:
x(leg length) + y(torso length) - z(foot diameter) - radius of leg + boot color + boot length + toe elongation / pi= "the pair" of boots
And even though I did not know exactly what type of boot I was looking for, I quickly learned a few things:
- I love a distressed brown finish
- Round toes make me feel stubby
- Pointed toes...well they look good but hurt my toes
- A slightly elongated point that is not overly pointy would be perfect but does not exist
- I need a heel to give me some height. Not too tall and skinny or I'll tip over, but not too fat that I appear to have a clunky horse hoof.
- Slouchy boots are cute, but make me feel like Tina Turner
- I would love a boot that hit just an inch or two below my knee.
- It's hard to find a pair of boots that fits snug around the top.
- You will get the stink-eye from other girls who wanted to try on that same boot.
- Everyone in the world wears a size 7.
- Heaven help the person that gets in the way of a girl and her boots if she should ever find "the pair".
Needless to say, I did not have much luck.
I brought home 4 different pairs of boots and thought they would all be fine, but most got the X from sister Jessica, John and Finn. Yes, even Finn had an opinion.
I ended up keeping one pair of boots. They are not even that spectacular and even failed the boot test on 2 separate accounts: the toe is a bit too round and the top part of the boot is not tall enough.
They were from Kohls and were on sale for $40. For now they are fine.
But if I should ever be in need of a pair of boots again, I think I shall have better luck online. Any suggestions?