January 31, 2014

on why i won't tail your car.

Ummm hi. I supposed I ought to be ashamed of myself for my unexplained leave of absence.

Quotes posted on my facebook page from my sisters: "So I checked out your blog today. Cobwebs and tumble weeds blowing by...just saying."

and "Yea, I think I heard a lone wolf howl sadly when I checked it earlier. Nobody even howled back."

and "So, no pressure, but your blog is lonely. FYI."

Gotta love sisters!

I just needed a break after blogging 6 years straight. Sorry I didn't say "Hey, I'm taking a break!"...But at the time, I really didn't mean to stop and it felt so drastic to say anything, so I just went into denial and stuck my head in the sand and vanished.

Popping my head back out though and thankfully blogger didn't require a new magic password.

Took a road trip up to mama's house yesterday to help her recover from surgery.


Did a little schooling by the fire, which warmed my heart.




Mom took a beautiful walk outside with us. So proud of her.


Yesterday we sat on her bed and she told me a thing or two that really hit me.

She had listened to a talk by Joni Eareckson Tada that morning, and wanted to tell me about it.

I kinda braced myself and held my breath...Joni is intense.

For those of you unfamiliar with Joni, she dived into water that was too shallow and broke her neck...and is now a parapalegic. When she was younger, she tried to kill herself a few times, because she couldn't handle being paralyzed. She prayed "Lord, if I can't die, please help me live" and that was the turning point in her life, for the better. 

People often ask her "Aren't you so excited to get to heaven and walk?"

At one point in her life she would have said "YES".  She had even pursued healing.

But now? Things have changed. She feels she HAS received healing...but a deeper sort of healing that only few attain. She is grateful for her trials, which have squeezed all her sin and pride out of her, to bring that deeper healing...to bring her to the point where she can honestly say, that when she gets to heaven, she doesn't even care about walking. All she wants to do in heaven is have a heart that brings God glory.

Wow, what?! How does someone even get to that point to have such a good attitude. I just sat there stunned and inspired. Mom and I sat on her bed, crying {and laughing} that we were crying.



Meet Rufio, their crazed goat.



As I drove home that night up a windy road, a truck pulled in front of me, going 2 miles an hour.

Now, I am not an aggressive driver, but this was just too much annoyance for even me to bear.

I started to tail him. Just a little. I was feeling a little rushed and stressed and wanted to make it over the pass before it snowed, and this was just too much. HURRY UP TRUCK!

And then I thought of Joni. And how all she desired was a heart that brought HIM glory.

Was my heart bringing God glory right now?

No. I was being selfish and worried.

All of a sudden, my feisty rage drained right out of me. I prayed silently "Lord please help me love this man, who is doing his best to drive. Please help me trust you to get home, despite the weather conditions".

And then I thought of a broken relationship that had been grieving me for some time. And I realized that my heart was not bringing glory to God in that either. I realized I had been holding on to hurt feelings and pride...stubborn pride...because things hadn't gone the way I wanted it to, so therefore I wasn't going to let things go{completely} in my heart of hearts.

And all of a sudden, I felt all that pride drain completely out of me. Because I would rather have my heart bring God glory than hold onto a stupid grudge.

And I was left sitting in my car, feeling empty and drained of everything...there was nothing left to me. Yet I never felt so whole. And feeling optimistic and hopeful that God can bring deeper healing to the most stubborn of hearts. 

21 comments:

  1. Welcome back! :~)

    Glad to hear of all you've been learning. :~)

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  2. Glad you are back with inspiring experiences!

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  3. This was worth the wait:-) Thanks for sharing, as always beautiful words, and journey f the heart that God has you on.

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  4. Beautiful. Isn't it amazing how God works in our hearts, even when it takes a long time?

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  5. well look at you blogging.... :)

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  6. Nice comeback, kid. I like reading things like this that will stick with me forever. Really. I'll always think about this when I'm wanting to curse inside my head due to sweet old ladies driving under the speed limit.

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  7. I was SO excited when I clicked over and you had posted!! (I haven't blogged for over a year! :/ ) Your writing is really one of my favorites…as well as your beautiful pictures :)

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  8. Welcome back - I understand the break. I only blogged for a couple years and just couldn't hack it in the end. I'm not even married with kids ;)
    Yours is one of the few blogs I still read. And this post is a good reason why: "story about Joni that almost has me in tears" followed by "here's a picture of a crazed goat". You sprinkle these morsels of truth and beauty in every day life and it makes living out those morsels of truth doable. Thank you for being a blessing with your words.

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  9. So great to see you back! Though I've seen you plenty on Instagram :)

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  10. You are one inspiring lady. :) These are such perfect lessons I needed to hear.
    And as always, your photographs are stunning!!

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  11. So happy to see you back here, better than ever before. I like reading what thoughts are going through your sweet head and seeing pictures of your cute boys. Thanks for the inspiration today!

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  12. Yaaaay you're back! I've missed your posts! I had a rough year last year, lots of bad family things happened, things we are still dealing with but re-focusing this year I realized that even if others weren't ready to forgive that I was and that it meant I could focus my attention again on Gods plans for my life, for the family that my husband and I have created and the freedom has been amazing. My heart can be obedient regardless of the actions of others and that's so freeing!

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  13. haha. I just realized my husband was signed in. Still so good, but a comment from Cory's wife. :)

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  14. Welcome back!! :)
    Thank you for sharing this great perspective.
    Also... I'm glad that you weren't in a car accident {as I feverishly worried when the title came into view}!

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  15. glad to have you back! :)
    amen. man i really, really needed to hear this today so thank you.

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  16. such a good lesson! also, i want a goat...no joke.

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  17. tumble weeds indeed.. I thought maybe the hobbits took over... :) completely understand a break.. do it whenever you want- just make sure you come back with amazing posts like this.

    incredible... you are real and share tangible clear ways to look at my own life. what an bone chilling story. sounds like SUCH a woman of faith. Thank-you for sharing her story and what you learned through it... really puts life into perspective.

    Cozy pictures by a fire...what a great way to do some schooling!
    love the love:)

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  18. always so happy to read one of your lovely and inspiring and funny posts, dear girl!! I don't blame you for taking the break though... I haven't blogged in forever, either. But at least when you blog, the tumble weeds clear out. My tumble weeds are pretty permanent, I think. ;)
    Love all of these pictures, and especially love the story of you and your mom sharing on the bed! Joni Eareckson Tada is amazing and her story humbles me to my core.

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