February 27, 2014

Making Room...

...in our hearts and our home in hopes of adopting a child.


Since November, we have been pursuing adoption, if the Lord wills.

I'm not sure exactly why I've been so hesitant to blog about our adoption journey, until now. I think I didn't want to throw it all out there online, in case it didn't happen. I guess it ultimately boils down to this:

Control. Or lack thereof.

There are just so many factors about adoption that are completely out of my control.  But guess what? I've learned this week that control is just an illusion. Nothing is "for sure" in this life.

I don't have all the answers and I have no idea how this adoption thing is all going to pan out. But I do know that we are hoping and trying...and that it's in God's hands.

We are going through a local organization called Koinonia to "foster-to-adopt" and have already completed orientation, two {amazing}training sessions...a CPR class...filled out more paperwork than I thought was humanly possible(like, did you know that your animals need their rabies shot records in order to adopt?). We are about to start the "home-study" part of the process very soon. Not quite sure of the timeline but we are plugging along.

But let me back up and tell you how this all came about.
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I've always wanted to adopt. Or at least I've always said so. But there came a point when my words started ringing empty in my ears. It was time to take a step toward making this a reality. It's been my motto in life, that if you feel led to do something, it's better to try and go down in a blaze of glory than to risk nothing, for fear of failure. (Of course above this, there is God's will and leading).

****revised! I TOTALLY think it's still great to say you want to adopt...even if you can't right now or ever for that matter . From even my own short experience of this process I am acutely aware that are many many hard factors which make people unable to adopt even if it were their hearts deep desire. Just wanted to clarify that:)****

Twain(my youngest) is 4 going on 5. The timing just seemed right.

Last summer, I started calling agencies and gathering information.

I live in a 3-bedroom house(This is actually kind of crucial).
And have 4 boys. Two boys in the 1st room and 2 boys in the 2nd room. John and I share the master, obviously.

According to CA state law I would need an additional bedroom to adopt a child(only 2 kids allowed per room).
Or I would have to move to a different house with 4 bedrooms.
We just weren't in the position to move.
John predicted that adding a bedroom to our house would cost $35,000 or more.
Money we certainly did not have. Things looked dismal.
Doors were starting to shut.
I was supremely disappointed.

But something inside me refused to give up hope. There had to be some way. Money seemed like such a lame obstacle(though a very real and overwhelming aspect).

Weeks and weeks passed.

I distinctly remember sitting across from John at CPK one evening for dinner. I told him, "I reallllllly want to adopt! Let's find a way!"

John kind of smiled and said "I want to go back to school."

Wah-wah-waaaah went the sad trombone.

Obviously we were NOT on the same page with major life decisions. John wanted to continue teaching high school full-time...plus go back to college for a degree in geology, of all things. I was like, really?

But as his wife, I just didn't feel it would be right for me to nag and push my weight around trying to get my own way.

And my heart just sank, because I knew the right thing to do... and didn't really want to do it.

I knew that God could not honor my desire to adopt by "pushing" when the time wasn't right. So I decided I would have to sit back patiently...and wait. Was it going to be years of waiting? I did not know.

It just felt like another door slamming in my face, but at least I felt at peace.

So more weeks passed.

Leaves turned orange and fell to the ground. John started his geology classes and I started homeschooling Ollie. I was expecting a ton of work, exhaustion, super late nights and stress, for John.
But none of that happened. In fact, things were strangely smooth.

One night I overheard John ask the boys, "Do you guys want another sibling?"


I was pretty surprised by his question to the boys, but just held my breath and kept my mouth shut.

And then another night he asked them again. And again. This time, "Do you boys want a sister?"

"We want a girl dog", giggle giggle! And Ollie might have mentioned wanting another cat/sister(wink).



I'm not sure what changed but John was suddenly very open to the idea of adopting.

There was still the obstacle of the additional {4th} bedroom, though.

I was in my front yard discussing my hopes and dreams with my neighbor and she was like "Davi. Just get an estimate. And put that number in your back pocket for a rainy day".

An estimate. Hm. I could do that.

It seemed obvious to me that the additional room should go on my front porch. (That is where the builders had suggested placing a "bonus room", on our floor plan, 11 years ago when our house was first built).

But this would be costly, as it would require changing the roofline.

In the meanwhile, I started brain-storming cheaper ways of squeezing an extra bedroom in my house.
I suggested converting our big master closet into a bedroom.
John said no.
I suggested cutting our master bedroom into 2 rooms.
John said "No, I need my space". As he leaned back with his arms behind his head.
I threw my hands up in the air. Such a prince, lol. My husband is one of 3 boys and refused to wear hand-me-downs as a kid. It's funny because if you knew him now, he's super unspoiled and practical. 
I suggested re-locating John and myself into one of the kid bedrooms, and converting our master bedroom into 2 rooms for all 4 boys to share.
"No. No. No. Davi", John says, shaking his head. I cannot tell you how many late nights we spent *debating* possible room arrangements.

And then John suggested something quite odd, in my honest opinion. Something I wasn't too sure about. But it was very interesting all the same.

To be continued...

32 comments:

  1. So wonderful and exciting! I can't wait to hear how God works this all out...because no doubt He has a plan!! But you're leaving me on the edge of my seat here! 😉 xo Jen aka mjandco

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  2. Nooooo!!! I hate to be continued!! But I love this story & a girl!! How exciting!! :) Can't wait to hear more!

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  3. I love your hearts!! Enjoy the process.... it is wonderful.

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  4. I so want to adopt. Always have. Never though children would come out of my own body. This gives me hope it is possible. We also live in a three bedroom house. We have two large living areas, one of which is basically unused except I have three small bookcases and my craft desk in there. I've already figured out other places those could go. My desk could easily go back in my bedroom (where I can keep the kids out of it too, ha). My dream is to make that front room into two standard 10'x10' bedrooms since it measures a little over 20'x10-15'. My husband just wants to do one wall and French doors though and make it our guest/craft/music room. It would be really easy to do though, three walls and a little bit of electrics work. There's even already separate vents on either side of the room. We'd have a 5 bedroom house if we did that with plenty of room to adopt!

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    1. I think it's SOOOO awesome that you have 2 large living areas to make this a possibility for your family one day, if the Lord wills!!!! That's cool that you are even thinking about the logistics:)

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  5. Davi,
    I have been reading your blog for awhile but never commented. My husband and I are very passionate about God's calling to take care of orphans, and are in process to adopt our first child from Colombia. I get so excited to see other people living out God's calling in their life! I just wanted to encourage you that although the obstacles seem big in adoption (as I'm sure you know) God is bigger than all of them. Our adoption is going to cost us into 5 digits, but God has come through and we are going to be able to finish debt free! I will be praying for you as you start the home study process and wait in anticipation to bring your new one home! Such an exciting time! We would love for you to check out our website www.ouradoptionadventure.org.
    God Bless,
    Allyson

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    1. That is SO cool that you are adopting your first child from Colombia!! Thanks for popping by with your words of encouragement. Just looked up your site...you guys are so cute. I love your story!

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  6. I can't wait to hear the rest of the story. Adoption has been on my heart for quite some time, and like John at the beginning - my husband is not so on board. I continue to pray about it knowing that God will fulfill my desire in some way, may not even through adoption; it may be a special relationship that grows with my niece, or maybe a friend's child, or through volunteer work... I have no idea but I know His hand is in it, and I rely on that when my desire continues to grow strong. And of course God could change my husband's heart.

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    1. you have a great attitude/perspective. and of COURSE God can change your husband's heart...but in the meanwhile I so respect you as you wait and accept whatever plan...i think that's the hardest part.

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  7. Ahhhh, to be continued! I can't wait to read more. This is such an exciting journey. Have you always wanted to adopt?

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    1. as a kid I didn't really understand the concept but as I grew into my adult years, I grew more and more interested. Even before I had my kids, I was interested and then that desire grew stronger and stronger and stronger!

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  8. So exciting! I am looking forward to following this story. I have always talked like you about adoption, but since having three of our own, we decided we are extended as much as we can be with being outnumbered....who knows, maybe God has other plans for us in the future too. I'll be waiting and praying about this exciting adventure and will probably get the itch to do the same.

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    1. it's definitely hard to think about when the kids are little! I understand.

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  9. This is so exciting!!! I can't wait to read what you guys decided to do and follow your journey towards adoption! Praying for you and your future child :)

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  10. Ah Davi this is sooo exciting!! Adoption has been something my husband and I have been passionate about since our first years of dating (My husband was adopted and flip what a blessing), anyway the process all still seems scary and daunting so I'm excited to see how you guys go through this process!!

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  11. Oh you can't leave me hanging! I'm so excited for you. And as always, I absolutely adore the photos you take.

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  12. Davi, I'm beyond thrilled to read this. I'm in the same place you were, always saying, "I'd love to adopt" but that's sort of as far as it's gone. Your words are convicting. I don't even pray about it. We're not in the place right now where we could (for a lot of serious reasons) but I definitely need to at least seeking God earnestly about it. I cannot WAIT to read along on your journey.

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    1. oh girl. I get you 100%. There are so so many hard things that make people unable to adopt...that is why it's hard for me to even write about adoption because there are so many factors out of one's control. That being said...I've always pictured your family adopting some day, for whatever reason! I sure hope and pray that it WILL happen for you one day!

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  13. Yeah!! How exciting!! So happy for you all! And now I'm totally on the edge of my seat for the rest of the story! Soon, please! :) :)

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  14. Love this! We are also praying about adopting. I had never thought I would adopt but God has suddenly put it in our hearts this past year. We have an infant still so we're not quite ready but we're going to host an orphan this coming winter and hope that we can continue to do that until God leads us to adopt. I hope you will share your adoption story. I love to see how God works in both the lives of the families and the kids. So exciting!

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  15. Davi!!! I'm am ridiculously excited for your family! I love hearing your process, praying for you!!

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  16. I think it's wonderful! I'm very excited for you and glad you are sharing your journey on your blog :)

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  17. Relatively new reader, but so excited to hear that you are adopting! We adopted our son & God has taught & continues to teach us so much through this little life. Looking forward to reading more as your process unfolds.

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  18. hehe love all the toes in that last one! ahh this is all so great to read and catch up on!

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  19. Great article this is very informative .......keep posting Thanks Regards
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