I distinctly remember putting both hands over my face as I cried "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!". The tech kindly asked, "I take it you were hoping for a girl?" I could barely squeak out "yes, I have 2 wild little boys at home".
"Ah", she said and she started to laugh sympathetically. And for some reason, this made me laugh too, because, you know, if you don't not laugh you will cry. As we sat there chuckling over my plight, I desperately asked, "are you sure?"
"I could not be more sure", she said as she pointed at the screen. Now, I'm no expert at interpreting sonograms, but even I could not deny the truth. I was going to have another boy.
The rest of the ultrasound was a complete blur, as my entire future flashed before my eyes. There would be no pitter-patter of little girls' feet through my house. And if my sons had babies, I was going to be the mother-in-law. I could not just barge into the delivery room and hog the baby. I would have to be *considerate*. Sigh.
And I'm not going to lie to you. I felt so disappointed. Please don't think ill of me for feeling this way. It's just how I felt at that particular moment in time. I was completely and fully 100% aware of the gift of a healthy baby boy and deep down I was so grateful for that. It was the silly, surfacey, frivolous part of me that was most disappointed. There would be no Moda fabric. And this was a hard pill to swallow(I'm hopelessly ridiculous like that).
Back in the waiting room, I called my family, with everyone around me listening in. Complete strangers in every seat tried to console me saying how ridiculously hard, dramatic and expensive their girls were. Which fell on my deaf ears. I did not mind a hard girl and I looked forward to going broke over 1 wedding.
At Natasha's shower that night, my cheeks still glowed red and as they passed around my blankie, one of the girls said "oh, you need a girl." Ouch. And I remember Lorie and Christie giggling " Don't worry, we're probably going to have all boys too!" And much to my delight, they gave birth to a charming Henry and chill Sam just months after Ollie's arrival.
My disappointment lasted for approximately 2 weeks. I'm not sure when or how, but after that, I started to feel excited again. Much to my surprise, God completely changed my heart. The hop returned to my step and I started dreaming of the winters where all 3 boys got to wear little beanies. I even recalled my childhood dream of running a home for orphan boys.
The next few months were precious, as I happily sewed blankets, burpees and onesies for my baby boy. At my previous church, the little ladies would make prayer quilts, in which they prayed over their recipients as they sewed. I loved this idea and so each of his blankets were covered in prayer. It was at this time I learned to hand-embroider. Here was my first attempt.
My sister and I started playing the name game. I was having a hard time getting passed the name "Elle". I was all out of boys names. Jessica suggested Oliver, but I thought it was a mouthful, and preferred Ollie. Jessica did not love the name Ollie and this was a problem for me. You see, I could not do anything without her blessing. I once bought some cute red 50's bar stools from Target and when she said "yuck", I immediately slunk back to Target and returned them, in disgrace.
"How about Opie?" I suggested. " Vomit" was every one's response. Sheesh.
And then I did something very sneaky. I made a diapees and wipees case and hand-embroidered the name Ollie on it.I did not tell anyone yet, but in my mind, I was 90% sure the Ollie was going to be the name. It would be Oliver on the birth certificate to appease my sister, but I figured I could easily morph it into Ollie as his nickname. Pretty devious, no? At this point I thought, it had better be a boy.
My waistline really began to expand, which was a first for me. I was not planning on doing maternity shots again, but then I stumbled across Ellie's website and just had to get me some "trailer chic" maternity shots, and FAST. We had a blast. Here are some of my favorites.
Soon thereafter I got even bigger and was a bit of a spectacle. A little boy in the church parking lot pointed at me and said " Look mama! She's gonna have a baby!" So embarrassing. And you should have seen the looks I got as I rummaged through the basement of my favorite antique shop for old window frames for my Ellie Grover pictures.
I gathered all my photos together and started to frame them. During the process, some of the glass shattered and I was crushed. It was the weekend and only one seedy repair shop was open. I lugged my big-ole-belly over there, all the while experiencing quite a few contractions. I had endless contractions with Finn and Calvin, so I thought nothing of it. I still had 3 weeks to go. My window was fixed by the end of the day, and as I hung the last picture on the wall, I sighed in exhaustion "I'm ready. The baby can come now."
And little did I know what the next morning would bring.