November 6, 2008

part4:grateful

I went home and begged John to stay home from school the next day. Things still felt so unstable and I was hesitant to move one inch off the couch.

One of my favorite things about John is how carefree he is. He does not tend to worry about anything. That night, this did not work in my favor. "You'll be fine", he said, "I'm not taking the day off". In his mind, he really and truly thought that I would be just fine by myself. He really did. And it was maddening. I begged and pleaded to no avail.

I swallowed my pride and asked Ellie to help me that morning. She was so sweet. She brought over a pitcher of orange juice and made us blueberry muffins for breakfast. And for lunch, she made us her killer mac n' cheese. All this, while I stayed nailed to my couch. I was so thankful for her help, and I can't wait to be that helpful to some poor soul one day. Perhaps a daughter-in-law with morning sickness??

The next day it was time to get my blood drawn again. It was saturday, and all the labs closed at noon. I was supposed to get it drawn much later that evening, at the 48-hour mark, but they would all be closed then. So, I got my blood drawn early. There was nothing I could do about that.

Over that weekend, I knew my doctor's office would be closed and that I would not find out the results til monday. And I was perfectly ok with that. Truth was, I was happy to have a break from all the commotion and fuss. I just wanted to relax and not think about anything.

Monday morning came and went.

No call from the doctor's office.

Waiting, waiting.

By 2pm I called and left a message.

More waiting.

A nurse finally called back around 4pm and apologized for the delay--my doctor was not in that day. The nurse basically said that my numbers were inconclusive, since I was not able to wait at least 48 hours. However, at least the numbers did go up some. My doctor would call the next day.

The next day I got a call from the office, and my doctor agreed that the numbers were a bit inconclusive, since I was not able to wait at least 48 hours. She said, "The most important thing is, the numbers did go up".

She did not want to re-test the numbers. She thought that would be overkill. I agreed.

She did want that other ultrasound though. I did too.

So we scheduled for friday, at 1:30pm.

The next few days I settled into a routine of nausea, nausea, and more nausea. And exhaustion. If nothing else, this was at least a good sign. My numbers may have been inconclusive, but I felt pretty darn pregnant.

Friday finally came. Lorie offered to watch my boys while I had my ultrasound. I gratefully accepted her help. She was so sweet and brought us all lunch. She was a bit disturbed to see me going to my ultrasound all by myself, but I assured her I would be fine. Sometimes having someone looking at me all sympathetic just makes me more upset.

When I got to the waiting room, it was completely empty. Everyone was at lunch, so I waited around a bit.

I caught a glimpse of the blond tech and craned my head to see her name tag. No luck. I prayed I would not get her.

And thankfully, I did not! I got an older blond lady, who was so nice and friendly. She greeted me cheerfully as she introduced herself. I lay down on the table, and she accidentally lowered it too far. She looked over to find me, and the table, practically lowered to the floor. We both got a big laugh out of that.

And then she went to work, clicking here and there. She was very chatty.

Almost instantly, we could both see the heart beat. It already looked so different. Last time, the baby was practically one big blob of heartbeat. This time, you could see a more proportionate heartbeat, centered in the middle of the baby. It was amazing. The tech said everything looked just fine. I give all praise to God!

She explained that the round circle was the yolk sack, which she liked to call the baby's backpack:)

I realize baby still looks like a bit of a blob in this picture. She said it was now measuring 7 weeks and 3 days, which was just as expected, based on the last ultrasound.

The heart rate was 144.

I know what some of you are thinking...heart rate of a boy...

I tucked my picture into my purse and skipped home.

I arrived to a warm house smelling of yummy homemade mac n' cheese. Lorie had made a delicious dinner for my family that night. I felt so truly blessed. Thanks again, Lorie.

That night, I went on a little road trip, for the first time since having kids. I had so much fun, even though I was nauseous and tired. I don't think Lorie and Ellie had ever seen me in such a state. I complained that it was too windy...and the music was too loud....They were such troopers and just laughed with good humor. Some people just glide and glow through pregnancy. Not me. I am a train wreck.

Here are some maternity photos Lorie took of me the next day, in the crumbling house. I was 7 weeks and 4 days. Thanks so much for documenting this special time, Lorie!!!





My waist has popped out quite a bit in the past week.

And that brings me to today. As I type, I am 11 weeks and 2 days.

I am still sick. I typically stay sick till the 20 week mark. I am trying not to think about this.

I have not bled since that one incident. After all I have been through, I am just so thankful to God. I am so grateful to be pregnant, I don't even really care what the gender is.

In fact, as of 2 days ago, John and I decided NOT to find out the gender when our 20 week ultrasound rolls around.

Here is me, ducking behind my computer, to avoid the shoes you are throwing at me.

I have no patience for people who don't peek, so I understand if this irks you.

Why aren't I curious? Maybe because I am just too sick to see beyond my own nose. Or maybe because the ultrasound sounds so far away, in January.

And maybe I am just all talk right now. I may cave as the days get closer.

If it's a girl? That would be a wild and fun curiosity of sorts. I cannot even imagine the commotion of having a little girl in this house. So, if you are thinking pink, go right ahead! Though I much prefer the color "dull eggplant", with smatterings of mustard yellow:)

And if it's a boy? Wow. Heaven help me! I would not be disappointed though. If anything, I would feel the great privilege of trying to train up 4 godly boys to be lights in such a dark world.

Either way, I just feel grateful and after reading my story I hope you can understand my sentiments!

21 comments:

  1. yay! A happy ending! I'm so excited for you, and so sorry that you had to go thru all that AND feel sick on top of it. I have no idea how you kept up with your blog and all of us thru that either. You rock, Davi! =)

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  2. So happy for you! And don't feel bad about being a train wreck during pregnancy....I was too. Hated it. The nausea was about enough to do me in. I have no idea how you are doing it with those 3 little guys to take care of. You are my hero!

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  3. I was sick for about 17 weeks with each pregnancy. whew. I feel so much compassion for you. :)

    How exciting for you. I'm soooo glad it all worked out.

    And i squealed again when I realized you were pregnant on that trip to the crumbling house. I WAS wondering why there was so few pictures of YOU during that trip!!!! HA!

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  4. I had to duck too....we didn't find out on either of ours for the element of surprise and both times I was so grateful I did...it gave me motivation during my natural labors and it was so EXCITING to call everyone from the hospital to tell them what it was (we were calling because we don't have anyone come with us to the hospital either...another time to duck).

    I feel your pain and misery...I too was always a train wreck. The first was about 4 months of morning sickness that found me one time passed out on the conference room floor at work and the second pregnancy had me throwing up the ENTIRE 9 months and just for a last hurrah, I threw up in labor. Morning sickness pills never helped me.

    You will be on my mind and in my prayers to get through the sickness and tiredness...I hated the tired part. Rejoicing with you that you'll have one more life to influence....I DO remember you always saying you wanted 3 kids! LOL. =0)

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  5. I am glad everything is well with your pregnancy. You'll be a wonderful mom to all 4 children. I loved your pictures! You look great! I won't be throwing any shoes at you if you don't find out. I didn't with my first and loved it even if some people hated that I didn't find out. ;) I'm still praying you feel better soon!

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  6. Hi! You don't know me, but congratulations! I've been reading your blog for quite some time now and think your boys are absolutely adorable. And now, pregnant again! How awesome!

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  7. I love you dear dear davi. I'm too, am so thankful for that little Baby. Whatever he/she might be. I can't wait until MAY!

    And yup, Jayme nailed it on the head. I didn't post pics of you in the crumbly house, cause well...it would have given it away=)

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  8. I just read your posts on all the drams you've been through, so glad everything is okay and congratulations on your pregnancy. How exciting! You look great in your pictures, no one would know how bad you feel by looking at those. I will pray for you and your baby!

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  9. Boy or Girl ... he or she will be precious. We seriously thought about waiting and having this one be a suprise too.... but I am just waaaaaay too impatient. We ended up getting an early gender ultrasound at 16 weeks!! HAHA! Oh... and I wonder if your ultrasound tech this last time was the same lady I usually get. She's very sweet and she said the same thing to us about the yolk sac being the baby's backpack. Hmmm. Glad everything is going so well... congratulations!!!!!!

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  10. *trying to fight back tears* i am SO glad you have such wonderful women as ellie and lorie in your life to help with things like these. i know ive already said it but i cant believe i cant offer to come babysit and bring you something delicious- at least for the family. *sigh* oh well, thank you for updating, keep them coming!
    youre so beautiful, i love the pictures. PLEASE make sure youre drinking water! that was a big thing my midwife emphasized when i would bleed. *love

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  11. oh ya, and we will be home january 5-13 so i hope we can plan some sort of get together with the girls- maybe one with kids and one without?

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  12. How exciting! Even though I knew there would be a happy ending, it was still all tense until I read this post. :-) You have some awesome friends to do what they did for you in those early weeks. Every girl needs friends like that.

    I love your mini baby bump... and I love that you were showing so early. Benefits of this not being your first. I say BENEFITS because all I want is an obvious belly and I'm so jealous of people who show at like 4 weeks. :-)

    I can't wait to see your belly grow even more.

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  13. Praise God for happy endings! And yeah, I'm gonna pray that you change your mind before January, K? K! Oh yeah, and I'll pray that all else is a smooth ride till delivery too!

    You can't have already delivered 3 babies though, because you are TINY!! And adorable! I'm hoping one of these days we get to meet in person so I can see your adorable self and those darling boys of yours!

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  14. So fun to read your story! I also can't understand people who don't peek...but I won't throw shoes yet...I'll just hope you change your mind!!

    I'm glad everything is okay, although I'm sorry you're sick...hopefully you'll feel better before week 20!

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  15. you make me want to cry to see how you make every story soo detailed, uplifting, and truley heart-warming. you have such a blessed family and attitude about everything. CONGRATS!

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  16. Am I the only one who is excited that you are not finding out!? Maybe because we will be in the same boat. :) I am so happy for your family and your new little baby. I love your stories and like everyone else, even though I knew the outcome, the suspense was almost too much to bear. I can't wait to see you so I can give you a big (soft, b/c I know that a bear hug can trigger puke lol) HUG!!

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  17. i know this is the very first time i've commented on your blog, but i think you're my hero! :) you have THREE boys, you're absolutely beautiful, AND you're pregnant?!(oh, and let's not forget nauseous EVERY day??) how DO you do it?! i only have two, and lately i'm nuttier than they are!! anyhoo, thanks for sharing your story!! i'm so happy your new lil' bean is healthy! i'll say a prayer (or a few) for your wooziness! i hated that part! cheers to you, mama!

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  18. 1) You are indcredibly cute and I cannot wait to watch your sweet baby bump grow. Also, what a great example you are... so sweet, uncomplaning, and gracious. I just loved reading this story. And I love you.

    2)I am so happy for you that I could just cry! I have, actually. :)

    3)What sweet, sweet friends you have. Such a blessing

    4)I'm secretly kind of glad you're not finding out! I can't wait personally, but it's awfully fun and exciting when other people can. Boy or girl, I am just so excited. And I hope you feel better so soon.

    5)I decided to do a numbered list because I knew I would ramble on and on otherwise. Organization is key! ;)

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  19. train wreck- now that is an absolutely perfect description of how I feel during pregnancy too! You sure don't look it though!! Thank Gid for that precious heartbeat!! I'm with you on the waiting rooms being pink with lollipops. LOL. I am SO sorry about that scare.

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  20. Oh, Davi! This whole story brought tears to my eyes! I can certainly understand why you're thankful, and I can see how this baby is so blessed already (and such a blessing to your family, already!). The Lord uses such amazing things to bring us to a greater understanding of Himself, and an even deeper level of thankfulness than we ever knew before, doesn't He? He is so amazing!!

    This baby is so special, as they all are in such different and wonderful ways! I can't wait to find out who he or she is! No, really, I seriously can't wait. ;-P I respect and admire your decision to be surprised, even through my impatience. Hee-hee! :-D

    I'm continuing to pray for you, and I love seeing what a cute little help Finn is to you. Elijah has been like that to me, and it's such a blessing to see the glimpses of the little men inside the little boys, isn't it?

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