November 4, 2008

Part2: a Blur

It was a calm and beautiful September morning. The windows were open and a slight breeze swept through the house. Finally, fall was on its way. John was busy cleaning, as was his usual saturday morning ritual.

I casually breezed by and dropped the pregnancy test on the counter where he stood.

I was a bit nervous and started to cover my face with my hands.

"What does this mean?", he asked.

Now, he knew full well what this meant. It was not my custom to show him failed pregnancy tests. I think he was just trying to buy some time, which made me even more nervous.

He looked at my face and finally said, "well, I think it's wonderful!"

Relief swept over my mind, but not my body.The rest of the day was a blur of shock and I was literally shaking all day. I had that wild feeling of a million butterflies in my stomach. I was excited, almost overjoyed, but could not wrap my mind around the possibility of 4 kids. It seemed unreal.

It was not long before Mr. Nausea came a-knocking at my door. It was so forceful, it took my appetite away. I could not eat or drink anything. I would just walk around the house with an ugly grimace on my face. I did not even realize I was making such faces until I caught an occassional glimse in the mirror. I felt bad that my boys had to look at me like this. Finally, I realized that I would have to call the dr.'s office for some zofran, which is an anti-nausea medication. Although the zofran does nothing to take my nausea away, I am able to eat and drink without throwing up. For this, I am thankful.

My exhaustion is just as bad as my nausea, and so the couch has become my new best friend. Each morning, I drag myself out of bed, just so I can drag myself to the couch. Somehow I am able to feed the boys breakfast and I am very grateful each day that God gives me the grace to do this. Even though I feel crummy, I am so happy to see 3 bright shiny faces each morning.

The next few weeks were a blur of Nemo-Ice Age-Nemo-Monster's Inc-Nemo. Despite the blur of my life, I was determined to remember Ollie's every little mannerism and facial feature. Sometimes I just sit and stare at his profile and memorize his hands, his feet, his little voice...everything.

Finn kept begging me to play soccer with him. He deserved an explanation as to why his mother was so pathetic.

"There's a baby in mommy's belly", I told him.

"Oh", he said, his eyes wide. "Is it a girl baby or a boy baby?", he questioned.

"We don't know yet, honey", I replied. "It's too small to know".

"Well, I think it's very exciting!", he said.

Finn really has been my life-saver. When Ollie gets up from his nap, sometimes Finn brings him his sippy with milk and climbs in his pack-and-play, reading him a story. I once heard him say, "It's ok, Finny's here".

And even more amazingly, Ollie has been sleeping-in every day til 9 and napping from almost 1-5. He is done teething, for now, and has become quite the chipper and independent little ragamuffin. All my boys look like rug-rats right now, and I am too sick to care.

I finally worked up the nerve to tell my parents. I was going on 7 weeks and did not want to worry them unnecessarily. I knew they would be concerned, since this would be my 4th c-section. My mom called that night and I cautiously spilled my news. Mom was shocked and concerned about the the c-section, but overall took the news very well.

Dad was a bit more shaken up and called back saying "You just don't understand how scary it is to watch your daughters have babies", he said. He was right. I did not know what it was like.

That night, I panicked a bit. What was I doing? Then I remembered a few things. Like how I asked my doctor, a few months ago, if it was ok to have a 4th c-section. We went over my surgery reports and she said that everything would be ok. And of course, I was comforted by the fact that I had been praying about this before I got pregnant. I was in God's hands. Still, I slept with my bible under my pillow that night:)

Two days later, after a long, hard day of nausea, I got up from the couch and walked to the bathroom. And saw blood. Dark red blood. 


  1. 1. I laughed so hard at the "it was not my custom to show failed pregnancy tests..." part. LOL-LOL-LOL!

    2. I can't believe that you stopped there, and I don't know if I can handle the wait until the next installment!

  2. Oh the suspense davi!!! You should write for TV. I would always "tune in next week" LOL Can't wait to hear more!

  3. That is so not fair. You better do part 3 super fast!

  4. Argh...write (Hope you're feeling better in the meantime!)

  5. oh man you girls and your cliffhangers!

  6. Oh wow. I cannot imagine what that must of felt like. What cliffhanger though! Anxiously awaiting the next installment.

  7. yes yes, can you have part 3 done by the time I get home from biblestudy?



  8. Oh my goodness... how I relate to the wiped out, kids don't know what's happening with you pregnancy symptom!!! I know my kids must have thought that someone kidnapped their real mommy. Oh, it's always so scary to see blood...! I am so anxious to hear the rest!

  9. I want to nap from 1-5 each day! Seriously, 4 hours?!? Are you drugging the kid or what?! HA!

    I absolutely LOVE how you referred to your nausea in the male form!

    And Finny's immediate wonderfully innocent! But I can't help it if I'm just as anxious to know as he is! :)

    Oh, and yes, CLIFFHANGER CENTRAL!! You know we'll still come back to read it...why are you doing this to us?!?

  10. So sweet that Finn is helping take care of Ollie. :) I love that!

  11. Ack! Post more soon! I am glad your husband took the news so well. Ugh, I can't imagine dealing with the morning sickness and still having to take care of the boys. How awesome though that Ollie sleeps so much! If my kids had done that I might have gone for #3 myself. ;)

  12. how sweet and helpful Finn has been. He'll make a great husband one day.

    As for the bleeding, Allyson already filled me in on this information and I was so sad for you to have to go through all the anxiety this pregnancy has brought. I'm so happy thought that so far, so good and thus I can't wait to read until we get to the happy ending :)
    *still thinking pink*

  13. this is not fair to leave it like that. but i can tell by the comments you must *sofar* be doing alright. i bled during my pregnancy and it was very scary especially the first two times but we were always just fine. i know some women just bleed during some pregnancies so im hoping thats all.
    finn is so precious i can hardly stand it. and i am in shock of ollies sleeping! lijah wakes up well before 8am and im lucky if i get an hour nap out of him. but you need it more for sure so i am really happy for you.

  14. The suspense is killing me.... Please write more soon. =)

  15. gah, this was awful, just awful! Thankfully, by the time I got around to reading this one you'd already posted part 3, but still...

    all I really wanted to do as I was reading it all was HUG you. :) Poor dear.